“Soo-zaahn,” he said. “Soo-zahn,” he said it again, and I felt the bones in my toes dissolve. “I am so grateful for this gift, and so touched by your thoughtfulness. Soo-zaaaahn,” he said my name again, and I thought if he said it again I would die. “Soo-zaaaahn,” he said—and I lived, “Soo-zaahn, if I weren’t one hundred per cent sure that it was forbidden in the employee handbook, I would now cover you with kisses from the top of your head to the tips of the nails of your toes, and then back again. And back again. As it is, it is taking all of my willpower to not kiss the inside of your palm. Your elbows. To not drag my forehead along your nose and down your beautiful body and rest it in gratitude on your feet. And then… well, the next part, I will only think.”
I think “panted” is the only word for what I did.
“Um,” I said. “You’re welcome.”
When Susan discovers her husband of twenty-two years is cheating on her, she is sure her life is over. And she thinks her friend Marcella’s advice that she work through her feelings in a blog is stupid. She just wants to sit on the couch in her ex’s old bathrobe, feel sorry for herself, and chain-smoke. But with the help of Marcella, a growing tribe of “strange Internet friends,” couriered packages of sex toys, and the most delectable cherry pie in the world, Susan gets off the couch and into the arms of a gorgeous (“OMFG how old is he?”) new lover who is even more delicious than that cherry pie. Will her kids let her have this new life? Will her ex? And will Susan dare step into the passionate unknown… or will she retreat to the safety of her old life?
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Susan as The Heroine. Baker extraordinaire, yoga-hater, Luddite, and an innocent prude. “I don’t think an exercise routine developed by half-starved men in India is particularly suitable to short, curvy, booby white women. My breasts get in the way of everything. OMG, I just typed breasts. How do I delete this post?”
Marcella as Her Best Friend. Entrepreneur, musician and happily divorced self-proclaimed “slut” who has an opinion on everything and a solution to everyone’s problems except her own. “Look, Susan, do what you want, but either keep on with the blog or go sleep with a twenty-five-year-old boy. Do you want to be a pathetic blob of goo in your cheating husband’s bathrobe?”
Cody and Tyler as Her Adult Sons. “What were you thinking, Mom?” “Jesus, how old is he, Mom?” “Have you no pride, Mom?” “Oh-my-god-what’s-wrong-with-you, Mom?”
Nika as Cody’s Maybe-Maybe-Not Girlfriend. “I’m totally trolling Tinder for Persian guys now. Just so you know, Mama Susan.”
sugar&spice76 as Susan’s First Fan. “Honey, we’re not strangers anymore. We’re your strange Internet friends. We’re all mothers, and we all do the dirty sometimes, ok?”
FemmeFataleFun as the Sex Toy Peddler. “Smooches. Everything in that care package is therapeutic, kitten!”
mommyshidinginthebathroom3 as The Token Mommy Blogger. “Let her smoke, Marcella. It’s been six weeks. You can kick her ass about the cigarettes in six months.”
ilikeherbooty-full as The Porn Blogger Who Won’t Go Away. “Is this what women really talk about when men aren’t around, or are you doing that just for me?
Caspian00XO as His Friend Who Hears About the Pie. “Susan? Do I get pie now? I’m emailing you my address.”
Reza as Susan’s Love Interest. “This is my telephone number. As soon as I leave, you will type it into your phone. And you will send me a text. It will say, ‘Reza, this is Sooo-zaaaahn.’ If you don’t send me this text, I will assume I offended you and will need to quit my job so I don’t offend you again, so it is very important that you send this text. Yes, Soo-zahn?”
with cameos by
John as The Cheating Husband,
Jewel of The Not-So-Spectacular-Boobs as The Other Woman,
an assortment of lurkers, trolls, spammers, “Internet idiots,” and casual visitors,
Reza’s invisible roommates, and
the first “MISTRESS OF HER OWN DOMAIN” novella
Want to find out how it got written? Check out How a story is born.
And visit Susan’s blog at SusansWritingCureBlog.wordpress.com.
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