posted by susan-oh-susan / june 3 at 7:39 pm / uncategorized / 16 comments
I love you all very much, you know. You have made… you have made such a difference in my life these past few months. I mean, I already had Marcella. (I love you too, Marcella.) But I didn’t realize how much I had her… or how much John kept me from really having her… until…
Anyway. I wanted to say—I’m actually ok.
Well, I’m not, obviously. I’m suffering.
But I’m also ok. Is that possible?
It’s like… I’m so sad. But I have no regrets. And Jerome—I have no regrets for saying… None at all. It’s all good.
Well, it’s not.
But you know what I mean.
I’m really glad I went, and I bared myself. I fought.
I would fight more, but I am not sure what else to do.
And I just want to make it clear that I am not going to be a lump that sits on the couch and chain smokes and feels sorry for myself.
Through all this, I know it sounds as if all I’ve been doing is obsessing about Reza—but I’ve been going to Marcella’s store. And baking. And the house is tidy and my bed is made every day.
Life goes on. Susan goes on.
Susan loves and misses and has a broken heart, but Susan goes on.
So that’s good.
This morning, I even got up extra early to make tiny little cherry tarts to take to the store. Because I had some cherries left over, you know, from the pie Reza never got… And ok, of course it made me sad. But not crazy.
Emilia came into the kitchen while the tarts were in the oven and I was drinking tea.
“Hi,” she—he—they? said.
“Oh. Hi,” I said.
“I stayed over last night,” she?—they? I should just ask what he wants to be called!—said. “Is that ok?”
I smiled. Nodded.
“Tyler wanted to text you to ask, but he didn’t want to wake you up, because you seemed so beat,” Emilia said. “He thought it would be ok. I just don’t… I just didn’t want you to think we were sneaking.”
“Of course not,” I said. I have good kids.
“Are you ok, Susan?” they said. “Can I call you Susan?”
“Of course,” I said. “I don’t know. I am, but I’m not, you know?”
“Emilia?” I asked. “Do you like to be called ‘she’? Or something else?”
“I prefer ‘she,’” she said. “Thank you for asking.”
“You’re a really good Mom,” she said. And I burst into tears.
And she hugged me.
Then the oven timer pinged.
“Susan?” Emilia whispered. “I know you’re still kind of crying. But can I let go of you and have one of whatever it is you have in the oven? Because it’s calling to me. Like, with a passion.”
She was eating her tart when I left for the store, and she promised she would try not to eat Tyler’s.
“Try!” she called as I left.
See? I can laugh.
I’m sad, but I’m ok.
16 comments on Kind of sappy, but I love you all:
Caspian00XO: You know what I’m going to ask for, right, Susan?
firstname.lastname@example.org: This is Adele. I’m Caz’s girlfriend, Susan. Caz, your begging is embarrassing. Susan, please send me the recipes for your pie and tarts, and I will feed this child. Also—come to Georgia. Anytime. He said I should invite you too, because you may not believe him. We’d love to have you, Susan.
susan-oh-susan: Oh, sweetie. You made me cry. You know what? I will. I will totally come to Georgia. Marcella? Are you gonna come with?
ilikeherbooty-full: Woot-woot, Susan and my cougar are coming to town!
BeautifulThingsEveryday: Jerome, could you, for fuck’s sake, stop calling me a cougar? And Susan, nice plan, but who’s going to keep the store going if we both fuck off? Remember that Petra quit in a fit of jealous temper? One of us is stuck here, baby. I guess it’s gonna be me.
ilikeherbooty-full: Oh, my Cougar. So close… yet so far.
BeautifulThingsEveryday: What does that even mean?
ilikeherbooty-full: She’s bitchy cause she can’t come see me, so I forgive her.
sugar&spice76: But you haven’t given up yet, have you, Susan?
susan-oh-susan: I don’t know, Sugar. I haven’t… I love him. But what else can I do?
electricalengineerbot: Be happy to modify between them and the steps and calculations shall be up to date (beneath the desk).
Caspian00XO: OMFG, Susan, I think those tarts were better than the pie.
email@example.com: Trying the recipe today!
FemmeFataleFun: What’s going on, though, Susan? How are you doing?
mommyshidinginthebathroom3: Yeah, girl, what’s happening? You coping?
Find out more: Cherry Pie Cure: Cast of Characters and More
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PS A Table of Contents of the Cherry Pie Cure/Susan’s Writing Cure Blog posts can be found at the Cherry Pie Cure landing page.
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