posted by susan-oh-susan / may 29 at 12:15 am / uncategorized / 18 comments
It’s really not that big a deal.
Well, there are a few things.
First, the good:
Tyler has a boy. Girl. Friend. The one he’s been visiting in Kelowna. They met at school.
I would probably be a lot more—I would probably be a lot more, “OMG, is my son gay?” if I weren’t all “OMG is the love of my life over?”
…did I just write that?
Do you know… I never, ever thought of John as the love of my life.
He just sort of happened. We were dating. My parents died. He was there. And he was so kind.
See, I must remember this. He was so kind.
And at his heart, he is a good person. I know this, I must remember this.
I usually remember this.
Anyway. Tyler is actually not all “Mom, I’m gay.” He’s like, “Mom, this is Emilia.” Except Emilia is almost as tall as him, if slimmer, and has this very pronounced Adam’s apple. But apparently, hormone therapy will reduce it.
And I’m like, “Wow, Tyler has a girlfriend. Boyfriend. Finally!”
But John is being a dick. Because, “What will people say?”
And I’m thinking—well. Who cares?
But John cares. His mother cares.
And I see him suddenly—not as evil. Or unkind. Or any of those things, you know?
But as lost. And trying to find his path.
And I was not his path.
And for a while, maybe he thought Jewel was? But she probably isn’t. Because the path isn’t the person, right?
This makes no sense, because I’m not very clever. I’m not putting myself down—I am not stupid. I’m just not very good at putting these big thoughts into words.
I guess I’m saying—Nika is all like, “You’re being so amazing.” But I’m not. I’m being a good mom, and I’m just there for Tyler.
Also, Nika and Cody aren’t just having fun, they’re dating again, but I’m not supposed to start planning the wedding.
Maybe I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.
I don’t care. I just did.
So, because of the… gender? genders? of Tyler’s… lover? partner?—John is freaking out a little. Mostly at me. Through text. And relating all this to the divorce.
I mean, Tyler’s gay-sort-of-maybe, because we’re getting divorced. Which is my fault, because he has changed his mind.
And I’m… I’m just chill.
You’d be very proud, Jerome.
I just text back, “I’m so sorry you’re upset, John.”
Or nothing at all.
And none of it touches me.
But you see, it’s not… because I’ve achieved some kind of enlightenment or freedom or wisdom.
It’s just that I love Reza so much.
And I miss him so much.
And all the pain in my heart is reserved for that.
Nothing else matters that much, you know?
And Tyler… Tyler is Tyler. He is the same person he was last week, last year.
Well, not exactly. I guess we are always changing, right?
But he’s still my Tyler.
18 comments on Nika says I have to tell you:
Caspian00XO: So when are you coming to Georgia, Susan? Cause I’m totally adopting you as my mom. My shawty says you can stay with us as long as you like, so long as you teach her how to make that cherry pie. She was getting a little jealous of you, to be honest. Because of the pie, I mean.
goddessofvictory: Isn’t my not-future-mother-in-law amazing?
sugar&spice76: Oh, honey. I love you. When are you coming to New York? 🙂
sugar&spice76: But, oh, honey. You’re not done fighting yet, are you?
susan-oh-susan: I’m not, Sugar. I’m not. I just need a moment to gather more courage.
ilikeherbooty-full: FedExing you some courage from Georgia.
BeautifulThingsEveryday: Have all of mine.
FemmeFataleFun: Here’s mine.
mommyshidinginthebathroom3: Mine. Throwing in my husband’s too for good measure. He’s reading over my shoulder.
goddessofvictory: All of mine is always yours for the taking.
notayogini: All of mine, babe. I’m “ommming” for you all week.
randomwordsonyourscreen: Sending courage from Newfoundland.
weliketoparty: Yo, courage from Florida.
tarotbyerinnight: Courage from all the angels in all universe. I’m lighting candles for you. And pulling cards.
GregorySmithAuthor: Courage from Wales, Susan.
LetsBuildAWall: Courage from the greatest nation on Earth to the lamest nation on Earth. Just kidding. You go get him, Cherry Pie Girl.
nothingbythebook: Courage, Susan. xoxo
mjanecolette: Courage, girl. You got this.
buycheapcamerashere: Good response in return of this matter with solid arguments and explaining the whole thing on the topic of that.
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