This is true: my husband has a very small penis #cherrypiecure

posted by susan-oh-susan / april 2 at 7:00 am / uncategorized / 11 comments

Well.

I texted him.

And what I can tell you now is that John? My soon-to-be-ex-husband (I will file things) who wants me to meet his new paramour (I won’t) has a very small penis. (Sorry, Jewel. Not!)

I didn’t really know this, because, well, I didn’t have much of a field of comparison, you know. We got together so young. He was my first real lover. And I guess I had fondled a couple of penises in high school—ugh, so awkwardly and, well, just, ugh—but I don’t know that I had actually ever seen one until his. And I don’t—I mean, I’ve seen some porn. Mostly accidentally. But I never thought… you know. That they were real.

I mean, some of those penises.

OMG, how many times have I typed “penis” in this post already?

Anyway. Point: I thought John’s penis was… average.

But no.

Tiny weenie penis.

Because…

Ok, I really did this.

I was just thinking it, while I was looking at him, and I asked…

“Reza… do you… is your… I mean, do you have a big… penis?

It was flaccid now, soft. But such a beautiful handful.

He flicked it and then stroked it affectionately.

“This guy?” he said. He pulled at it a little and it grew. “I don’t think so. No one has ever said, ‘Oh, Reza, your cock is so big.’ They have said, ‘Oh, Reza, your cock is so beautiful.’ And they have said, ‘I love your cock.’ And—this is my favourite—‘I worship at your cock, Reza.’ Would you like to worship at my cock, Sooo-zahn?’”

I turned completely and totally beet red.

He laughed and climbed back on top of me.

“I will teach you to worship at my cock, Soo-zaahn,” he said.

OMG.

I don’t want a job.

I don’t want to meet with the lawyer.

I don’t want to do anything but stay in bed with this boy.

Forever.

*

11 comments on This is true: my husband has a very small penis:

sugar&spice76: I knew, honey, I just knew John had a small penis. Just had to say that.

mommyshidinginthebathroom3: LMAO.

susan-oh-susan: You guys. I shouldn’t have written that. What was I thinking?

Caspian00XO: Chick balls for the win! Also, ladies, I want you to say, Caspian gave good advice.

goddessofvictory: you done good, Caz, you done good xo

FemmeFataleFun: I don’t usually approve of… well, I wouldn’t have done it. Or given such advice. But if it got Susan laid again, it’s all good.

BeautifulThingsEveryday: I guess you can stay.

ilikeherbooty-full: Dude, you’re poaching on my territory.

BeautifulThingsEveryday: We are not your territory.

ilikeherbooty-full: You so are. Especially you, Cougar.

Caspian00XO: Susan? Do I get pie now? I’m emailing you my address.

Find out more: Cherry Pie Cure: Cast of Characters and More

GET BOOK in ALL FORMATS for any DEVICE at ALL RETAILERS
(including fabulous paper)

mjanecolette
TellMe@mjanecolette.com

PS A Table of Contents of the Cherry Pie Cure/Susan’s Writing Cure Blog posts can be found at the Cherry Pie Cure landing page.

Feature image source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/cherry-fruit-red-closeup-23183/

 

About mjanecolette

Writer. Reader. Angster. Reformed Bohemian (not). Author of the erotic romance TELL ME, the erotic tragedy (with a happy ending) CONSEQUENCES (of defensive adultery), the award-winning rom-com (she's versatile) CHERRY PIE CURE, and the just released TEXT ME, CUPID--a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults who don't believe in love... but want it anyway. A sought-after speaker and presenter, Colette is also the author of the Dirty Writing Secrets Series, which includes the non-fiction collection of essays ROUGH DRAFT CONFESSIONS: not a guide to writing and selling erotica and romance but full of inside inside anyway, 101 FLIRTY WRITING PROMPTS TO SEDUCE YOUR MUSE, and ORGANIZED CREATIVE. She's also the curator of the fab YYC Queer Writers anthologies Queer Christmas in Cowtown, Screw Chocolate, and A Queer Summer Night's in Cowtown.

2 comments

  1. Pingback: Cherry Pie Cure–the real time Blog Edition | m jane colette

  2. You said it was a big hadfull. Is it honestly small or are you just revenge penis shaming. Honest question, don’t mean to me contentious.

Tell me...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s