posted by susan-oh-susan / april 2 at 7:00 am / uncategorized / 11 comments
I texted him.
And what I can tell you now is that John? My soon-to-be-ex-husband (I will file things) who wants me to meet his new paramour (I won’t) has a very small penis. (Sorry, Jewel. Not!)
I didn’t really know this, because, well, I didn’t have much of a field of comparison, you know. We got together so young. He was my first real lover. And I guess I had fondled a couple of penises in high school—ugh, so awkwardly and, well, just, ugh—but I don’t know that I had actually ever seen one until his. And I don’t—I mean, I’ve seen some porn. Mostly accidentally. But I never thought… you know. That they were real.
I mean, some of those penises.
OMG, how many times have I typed “penis” in this post already?
Anyway. Point: I thought John’s penis was… average.
Tiny weenie penis.
Ok, I really did this.
I was just thinking it, while I was looking at him, and I asked…
“Reza… do you… is your… I mean, do you have a big… penis?
It was flaccid now, soft. But such a beautiful handful.
He flicked it and then stroked it affectionately.
“This guy?” he said. He pulled at it a little and it grew. “I don’t think so. No one has ever said, ‘Oh, Reza, your cock is so big.’ They have said, ‘Oh, Reza, your cock is so beautiful.’ And they have said, ‘I love your cock.’ And—this is my favourite—‘I worship at your cock, Reza.’ Would you like to worship at my cock, Sooo-zahn?’”
I turned completely and totally beet red.
He laughed and climbed back on top of me.
“I will teach you to worship at my cock, Soo-zaahn,” he said.
I don’t want a job.
I don’t want to meet with the lawyer.
I don’t want to do anything but stay in bed with this boy.
11 comments on This is true: my husband has a very small penis:
sugar&spice76: I knew, honey, I just knew John had a small penis. Just had to say that.
susan-oh-susan: You guys. I shouldn’t have written that. What was I thinking?
Caspian00XO: Chick balls for the win! Also, ladies, I want you to say, Caspian gave good advice.
goddessofvictory: you done good, Caz, you done good xo
FemmeFataleFun: I don’t usually approve of… well, I wouldn’t have done it. Or given such advice. But if it got Susan laid again, it’s all good.
BeautifulThingsEveryday: I guess you can stay.
ilikeherbooty-full: Dude, you’re poaching on my territory.
BeautifulThingsEveryday: We are not your territory.
ilikeherbooty-full: You so are. Especially you, Cougar.
Caspian00XO: Susan? Do I get pie now? I’m emailing you my address.
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