So I had to change everyone’s names #cherrypiecure

posted by susan-oh-susan / march 29 at 11:16 pm / uncategorized / 11 comments

I texted with Tyler and Cody texted with Tyler and Nika texted with me and went to see Cody and apparently slept with Cody to calm him down.

Tyler decided he was not going to read the blog. But he suggested that seeing as strangers—“strange Internet friends,” I corrected him—were reading it, I should change everyone’s names. To protect their privacy.

And then he did this weird thing where he took over my computer and went into the blog, and showed me how to do a search and replace. And it wasn’t very difficult at all.

So I had to come up with new names for everyone. Nika, Cody, and Tyler were easy. Nika was a total no-brainer, actually.

Reza was hard… what did I know about Persian names? I had to spend some time on Google educating myself. I chose a name that sounded as beautiful to me as… the first one.

I decided to stay Susan. Because of the way he says Sooo-zaaahn. And… Susan is a very common name.

I did change John’s name. I tried to think of the second most despicable name on the planet and that’s the name I gave him.


(Sorry, Cody. But yes, for the record, I’m very angry with your Dad.)

I texted Marcella and asked her what she wanted her name to be, and she said, “Marcella.”

“Really?” I said.

I didn’t see her as a Marcella. If I were picking, I would have picked… maybe Rose? Or Sheila?

“Marcella.” She was adamant.


The hard part was going into the comments and changing names. You know—her real name to Marcella, when I mentioned her name in comments. Or when others did. I had to do that one by one.

But I did it.

Tyler was very proud.

Cody said he would probably eventually get over it and be able to talk to me again, but that he needed some space.

“Don’t worry, Mama Susan,” Nika texted. “He’s processing. When my parents divorced and my mother started dating, I wanted to die. And I think it’s worse for boys with their mothers.”


Except… well, I’m not dating, am I?

I just had sex.


Well, multiple times. But, like, in one session.

So. Once.

With the Safeway stock boy.

Dating is… dinner and movies and walks…


What have I done?

Cody’s right.

I’ve lost my mind.

Mothers… nice women… don’t do these things.

And I’m still blogging about it!

What’s wrong with me?


11 comments on So I had to change everyone’s names:

goddessofvictory: I love Nika. 🙂 Mama Susan, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re human. And a sexual being. Breathe…

sugar&spice76: Honey, we all mothers, and we all do the dirty sometimes, ok?

ilikeherbooty-full: I’m not a mother. And I get Cody’s freak-out. But you being a mother in no way interferes with me wanting to think about your breasts.

BeautifulThingsEveryday: You know, Jerome, you have this fucking amazing talent of saying something really insightful and then fucking it all up by being yourself.

ilikeherbooty-full: You know… what are we supposed to call you now? Marcella, you’re a total cunt. And you swear too fucking much.

BeautifulThingsEveryday: Susan, he just called me a cunt. Use your newfound tech savvy to fix that.

susan-oh-susan: How self-absorbed are you, Marcella? I’m having a crisis here, and you’re flirting with Jerome?

BeautifulThingsEveryday: I’m not flirting with Jerome.

sugar&spice76: Honey, you been flirting with Jerome from day one. Susan, you’re having a stress response.

mommyshidinginthebathroom3: Maybe even a panic attack. Lay down on the floor and breathe. It’s all good, sweetie.

GregorySmithAuthor: Hi, I’m here from The Big Book Blog. I’ve found this post very well written and full of useful information. I’ve bookmarked it and I will definitely be back.

Find out more: Cherry Pie Cure: Cast of Characters and More

(including fabulous paper)


PS A Table of Contents of the Cherry Pie Cure/Susan’s Writing Cure Blog posts can be found at the Cherry Pie Cure landing page.

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About mjanecolette

Writer. Reader. Angster. Reformed Bohemian (not). Author of the erotic romance TELL ME, the erotic tragedy (with a happy ending) CONSEQUENCES (of defensive adultery), the award-winning rom-com (she's versatile) CHERRY PIE CURE, and TEXT ME, CUPID--a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults who don't believe in love... but want it anyway. A sought-after speaker and presenter, Colette is also the author of the Dirty Writing Secrets Series, which includes the non-fiction collection of essays ROUGH DRAFT CONFESSIONS: not a guide to writing and selling erotica and romance but full of inside inside anyway, 101 FLIRTY WRITING PROMPTS TO SEDUCE YOUR MUSE, and ORGANIZED CREATIVE. She's also the curator of the fab YYC Queer Writers anthologies Queer Christmas in Cowtown, Screw Chocolate, and A Queer Summer Night's in Cowtown. Releasing Spring 2020: CUPID IN MONTE CARLO.

One comment

  1. Pingback: Cherry Pie Cure–the real time Blog Edition | m jane colette

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