First, there is a scene that works that I’m keeping. And then, there was this:
Her: Is there anything hotter than an alpha male on his knees?
Him: It’s only hot when he’s snaking his sneaky tongue into his favourite mystery.
Her: That does not sound like something an alpha male would say.
Him: Well, you’re not the alpha male here.
Her: If you talk like that, I’m not sure you are either.
Him: See, and this is why gags became such a popular prop in BDSM.
This is an example of characters departing from the script the author is trying to spin for them and whispering inside jokes to each other. It’s kind of fun to write… but it doesn’t at all work for the reader who’s not in on the joke.
mjc
About mjanecolette
Writer. Reader. Angster. Reformed Bohemian (not). Author of the erotic romance TELL ME, the erotic tragedy (with a happy ending) CONSEQUENCES (of defensive adultery), the award-winning rom-com (she's versatile) CHERRY PIE CURE, and TEXT ME, CUPID--a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults who don't believe in love... but want it anyway. A sought-after speaker and presenter, Colette is also the author of the Dirty Writing Secrets Series, which includes the non-fiction collection of essays ROUGH DRAFT CONFESSIONS: not a guide to writing and selling erotica and romance but full of inside inside anyway, 101 FLIRTY WRITING PROMPTS TO SEDUCE YOUR MUSE, and ORGANIZED CREATIVE. She's also the curator of the fab YYC Queer Writers anthologies Queer Christmas in Cowtown, Screw Chocolate, and A Queer Summer Night's in Cowtown. Releasing Spring 2020: CUPID IN MONTE CARLO.
m jane colette 