Drafting a rejection letter to a child

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She said I could tell you this story but only if I stressed that A) she was not a cougar and B) she thought he was a sweetheart, an absolute sweetheart, but being THE TEACHER is not her particular kink.

ME: “So. How did the date with the child go?”

Her: “Horror show. He was 12.”

Me: “Jesus.”

Her: “Not really 12. I mean, he was 26—which is young enough, you know? But, actually, he was 12. And—good news! Turns out I’m not a pedophile.”

Me: “Thank god for that…”

Her: “Unfortunately, he apparently had a lovely time and can’t wait to see me.”

Me: “Fuck. So. You’re going to have to break a heart.”

Her: “I wrote… hold on… ‘I enjoyed meeting you as well. You are a very sweet, intelligent and talented person. Also, kind.’”

Me: “Nice afterthought.”

Her: “Shut up. I’m drafting. Where was I… ‘kind. You are also very young and I just can’t get over that.’”

Me: “Such a liar. How old was your last lover?”

Her: “SHUT. UP. I’m trying to be kind.”

Me: “No such thing. I mean, there is no way to kindly break someone’s heart. You might as well be a bitch and let him rip you to shreds in his narrative.”

Her: “I was going to add, ‘I’m so glad you had the courage to ask me out. I hope you keep on taking these types of risks. Women reward courage and confidence.’”

Me: “Gag.”

Her: “What? Too much?”

Me: “Teacher.”

Her: “SHUT. UP.”

She didn’t break his heart, btw, but she bruised his ego. And he hates her. I hope, however, that he turns her into a really good story.

Enjoy this one?

Me too. Everything’s source material…


About mjanecolette

Writer. Reader. Angster. Reformed Bohemian (not). Author of the erotic romance Tell Me, the erotic tragedy (with a happy ending) Consequences (of defensive adultery), and the rom-com (she's versatile) Cherry Pie Cure, as well as the non-fiction collection of essays Rough Draft Confessions: not a guide to writing and selling erotica and romance but full of inside inside anyway. Coming in 2018: Text Me, Cupid, a steamy romance in four episodes. Current WiPs: Queer Christmas in Cowtown, Jewel of the Not-So-Spectacular Boobs, All In the Cards, and Un-Valentine. Yes, working on four projects simultaneously is a spectacularly bad idea.

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