She said I could tell you this story but only if I stressed that A) she was not a cougar and B) she thought he was a sweetheart, an absolute sweetheart, but being THE TEACHER is not her particular kink.
ME: “So. How did the date with the child go?”
Her: “Horror show. He was 12.”
Her: “Not really 12. I mean, he was 26—which is young enough, you know? But, actually, he was 12. And—good news! Turns out I’m not a pedophile.”
Me: “Thank god for that…”
Her: “Unfortunately, he apparently had a lovely time and can’t wait to see me.”
Me: “Fuck. So. You’re going to have to break a heart.”
Her: “I wrote… hold on… ‘I enjoyed meeting you as well. You are a very sweet, intelligent and talented person. Also, kind.’”
Me: “Nice afterthought.”
Her: “Shut up. I’m drafting. Where was I… ‘kind. You are also very young and I just can’t get over that.’”
Me: “Such a liar. How old was your last lover?”
Her: “SHUT. UP. I’m trying to be kind.”
Me: “No such thing. I mean, there is no way to kindly break someone’s heart. You might as well be a bitch and let him rip you to shreds in his narrative.”
Her: “I was going to add, ‘I’m so glad you had the courage to ask me out. I hope you keep on taking these types of risks. Women reward courage and confidence.’”
Her: “What? Too much?”
Her: “SHUT. UP.”
She didn’t break his heart, btw, but she bruised his ego. And he hates her. I hope, however, that he turns her into a really good story.
Enjoy this one?
Me too. Everything’s source material…