Drafting a rejection letter to a child

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She said I could tell you this story but only if I stressed that A) she was not a cougar and B) she thought he was a sweetheart, an absolute sweetheart, but being THE TEACHER is not her particular kink.

ME: “So. How did the date with the child go?”

Her: “Horror show. He was 12.”

Me: “Jesus.”

Her: “Not really 12. I mean, he was 26—which is young enough, you know? But, actually, he was 12. And—good news! Turns out I’m not a pedophile.”

Me: “Thank god for that…”

Her: “Unfortunately, he apparently had a lovely time and can’t wait to see me.”

Me: “Fuck. So. You’re going to have to break a heart.”

Her: “I wrote… hold on… ‘I enjoyed meeting you as well. You are a very sweet, intelligent and talented person. Also, kind.’”

Me: “Nice afterthought.”

Her: “Shut up. I’m drafting. Where was I… ‘kind. You are also very young and I just can’t get over that.’”

Me: “Such a liar. How old was your last lover?”

Her: “SHUT. UP. I’m trying to be kind.”

Me: “No such thing. I mean, there is no way to kindly break someone’s heart. You might as well be a bitch and let him rip you to shreds in his narrative.”

Her: “I was going to add, ‘I’m so glad you had the courage to ask me out. I hope you keep on taking these types of risks. Women reward courage and confidence.’”

Me: “Gag.”

Her: “What? Too much?”

Me: “Teacher.”

Her: “SHUT. UP.”

She didn’t break his heart, btw, but she bruised his ego. And he hates her. I hope, however, that he turns her into a really good story.

Enjoy this one?

Me too. Everything’s source material…

mjc

About mjanecolette

Writer. Reader. Angster. Reformed Bohemian (not). Author of the erotic romance Tell Me (Harper Collins, 2015), the erotic tragedy (with a happy ending) Consequences (of defensive adultery) (coming May 2 2017), and the rom-com (she's versatile) Cherry Pie Cure (releasing June 15, 2017), as well as the non-fiction collection of essays Rough Draft Confessions: not a guide to writing and selling erotica and romance but full of inside inside anyway (GENRES were made to be BROKEN, 2017). Closet poet. Currently torturing novels four, five, and six simultaneously. Which is not a good idea.

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