They said, “Can you write noir, Jane?”
I said, “Can it be dirty?”
Coming soon from Coffin Hop Press—Baby, It’s Cold Outside, a collection of noir shorts, edited by Sarah L. Johnson and Robert Bose, and featuring my noir erotica piece, “Violets.”
by M. Jane Colette
The yoga class was weird, as always, and, as always, Santokh pretended to be happy to see me—but wasn’t. Karma avoided my eyes and carefully put her mat as far away from me as possible. I shouldn’t have told her I knew she was a rub-and-tug girl. I didn’t mean to… well. But I did.
It wasn’t a threat. I just wanted her to know I knew. And it started with—I knew her real name couldn’t be Karma. Karma! There’s one in every yoga class. I just wanted to know… what her real name was.
It was Elaine.
Elaine the rub-and-tug girl.
I wasn’t going to tell her I knew. But I did.
Stupid. I should have known better. I should have just enjoyed…
Uttamroop didn’t even look at me—her eyes slid past me as if I didn’t exist even as she took the spot beside me. Beside me—but still as far away from me as she could.
Florence gave me a dirty look. Or maybe just a look.
No, a dirty look.
She always did, now.
I didn’t care.
Yes, I did. I tried to give her a dirty look back, but it felt limp. And guilty.
… and, well, then, stuff happens.
All to the soundtrack of songs by the dead people. Here’s the playlist for you:
Track 1: WHAM! “Last Christmas”
(George Michael: June 25, 1963-December 25, 2016)
Track 2: “Here Comes Santa Claus” performed by Doris Day
(Ok, she’s not dead yet. But she’s 96. God bless her, it’s only a matter of time)
Track 3: “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm” performed by Ella Fitzgerald
(Ella Jane Fitzgerald, April 25, 1917 – June 15, 1996)
Track 4: “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” performed by Boris Karloff
(William Henry Pratt, akaBoris Karloff 23 November 1887 – 2 February 1969)
Track 5: “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” performed by Burl Ives
(Burl Icle Ivanhoe Ives June 14, 1909 – April 14, 1995)
Track 6: “Little Drummer Boy” performed by David Bowie and Bing Crosby
(Two dead people for the price of one! Harry Lillis “Bing” Crosby Jr., 3 May 3 1903 – 14 October 1977; David Robert Jones, 8 January 1947 – 10 January 2016)
Track 7 : “Hallelujah” performed by Leonard Cohen
(Leonard Cohen, 12 September 21 1934 – 7 November 2016)
Track 8: “Happy Christmas” performed by John Lennon
(John Lennon, 9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980)
BUY LINKS COMING SOON.
PS Recognize those names? Yeah, that’s Florence, Santokh and Uttamroop making a cameo from Text Me, Cupid. which releases December 6. And it not noir at all. But it is filthy-filthy. And funny. 🙂 Merry Christmas.
In the meantime, read my other stuff. 😉