A (slightly dirty) Love Story
(for 21st century adults)
in Four Episodes


Text Me Cupid, Episode Four

Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Experience their unique, hilarious, and heart-wrenching love story in the four episodes of TEXT ME, CUPID: a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults.

In Episode 4: Saving Christmas, Will wants commitment. Florence wants… freedom. Is anybody going to get what they want for Christmas? (Spoiler alert: it’s a romance, baby! Everybody gets a happy ending.)


iwillornot: Hey there, Songbird. What’s cooking?

notanightingale: Why are you messaging me on OKC?

iwillornot: Why is your OKC profile still up?

notanightingale: Why is yours and why are you on it?

iwillornot: Jealous?

notanightingale: Are you?

iwillornot: Livid. I’m not having sex with you for six weeks as punishment. FYI.

iwillornot: But seriously, why is your OKC profile still up?

notanightingale: But seriously, why is someone whose OKC profile still up asking me this question?

iwillornot: I went on the app to disable it, actually. So I’m not one of those assholes not responding to messages from gorgeous but desperate women. Because I’m in a relationship. With a gorgeous-not-desperate woman I adore.

iwillornot: And then I thought if you hadn’t de-activated yours, I’d send you a message through it… because—do you know what today is?

notanightingale: Oh, Will. I do—now. But I forgot. Our first text-anniversary. That’s so sweet.

iwillornot: It was supposed to be sweet. And now we’re fighting over why we’re leaving our options open.

notanightingale: Is that what we’re doing?

iwillornot: Yes.

notanightingale: Don’t worry. We’ll have sex and make up.

iwillornot: I told you, no sex for six weeks.

notanightingale: You won’t make it.

iwillornot: Watch me. Will of Iron, that’s what they call me.

notanightingale: Will of Iron, does that mean I should bring a puzzle or a board game or something to amuse myself Wednesday night?

iwillornot: I was thinking, I’m gonna tie you up, and watch terrible porn, and jack off while you lay there, not having sex.

notanightingale: You are the most romantic man in the whole entire world. 

iwillornot: I try.

notanightingale: See you Wednesday. Don’t forget to pick up some rope after work.

iwillornot: Aren’t you going to provide that?

notanightingale: I’m bringing the board game. As Plan B. In case you don’t know how to tie knots.

iwillornot: Oh, baby. You should see the things I can do with knots.

iwillornot: But seriously, Florence, are you going to disable your profile?


So… About That Dating Site Profile – Monday, December 3, 12:01 am

Suffering, Indulged – Monday, December 3

One-Track Mind – Tuesday, December 4

Chrone, Uncensored – Wednesday, December 5

Happy Anniversary – Wednesday, December 5

That Conversation, Avoided – Thursday, December 6

A Text Can Change Everything – Sunday, December 9

One-Track Mind, Continued – Thursday, December 13

Everyone’s At the Mall – Thursday, December 13

Worst Guru Ever – Thursday, December 13

Petty Revenge – Thursday, December 13

Hard Conversation, Evaded – Saturday, December 15

It’s A Small World After All – Sunday, December 16

Healing Massage, Ineffective – Sunday, December 16

But, No – Monday, December 17

Another Anniversary – Tuesday, December 18

Invitation, Refused – Tuesday, December 18

It’s Complicated – Wednesday, December 19

Whatever You Do, Don’t Text Her – Thursday, December 20

Unnoticed – Friday, December 21

The Plot Thickens – Sunday, December 23

It’s About Boundaries – Sunday, December 23

Anyone Else Coming? – Tuesday, December 25

Awkward Encounters – Tuesday, December 25

Frostbite – Tuesday, December 25

No Promises, But Vows, Of a Sort – Tuesday, December 25

Epilogue – Tuesday, January 1

Jane: SAVING CHRISTMAS is the fourth and final episode in the TEXT ME, CUPID story: a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults, featuring a hero and heroine with a painful past, a complicated present, and… well… what’s going to happen in their future?

It is not a pure stand-alone, and I highly recommend you read Messy Christmas, Delayed Valentine and Bittersweet Halloweenfirst, or get Text Me, Cupid: all four scandalous episodes in one fab package (pre-order now; available December 6, 2018).

If you insist on going straight into this episode, I do provide you with a bit of “this is what happened to bring Will and Florence to this place.” But it’s tricky. Pretty much everything in the plot is a spoiler. I go from spoiler to spoiler to spoiler. To spoiler. Frankly, even the chapter titles are spoilers. Really. But it’s so good. You’ll love it.





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