TEXT ME, CUPID
A (slightly dirty) Love Story
(for 21st century adults)
in Four Episodes
BY M. JANE COLETTE
Text Me Cupid, Episode Four
Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Experience their unique, hilarious, and heart-wrenching love story in the four episodes of TEXT ME, CUPID: a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults.
In Episode 4: Saving Christmas, Will wants commitment. Florence wants… freedom. Is anybody going to get what they want for Christmas? (Spoiler alert: it’s a romance, baby! Everybody gets a happy ending.)
iwillornot: Hey there, Songbird. What’s cooking?
notanightingale: Why are you messaging me on OKC?
iwillornot: Why is your OKC profile still up?
notanightingale: Why is yours and why are you on it?
notanightingale: Are you?
iwillornot: Livid. I’m not having sex with you for six weeks as punishment. FYI.
iwillornot: But seriously, why is your OKC profile still up?
notanightingale: But seriously, why is someone whose OKC profile still up asking me this question?
iwillornot: I went on the app to disable it, actually. So I’m not one of those assholes not responding to messages from gorgeous but desperate women. Because I’m in a relationship. With a gorgeous-not-desperate woman I adore.
iwillornot: And then I thought if you hadn’t de-activated yours, I’d send you a message through it… because—do you know what today is?
notanightingale: Oh, Will. I do—now. But I forgot. Our first text-anniversary. That’s so sweet.
iwillornot: It was supposed to be sweet. And now we’re fighting over why we’re leaving our options open.
notanightingale: Is that what we’re doing?
notanightingale: Don’t worry. We’ll have sex and make up.
iwillornot: I told you, no sex for six weeks.
notanightingale: You won’t make it.
iwillornot: Watch me. Will of Iron, that’s what they call me.
notanightingale: Will of Iron, does that mean I should bring a puzzle or a board game or something to amuse myself Wednesday night?
iwillornot: I was thinking, I’m gonna tie you up, and watch terrible porn, and jack off while you lay there, not having sex.
notanightingale: You are the most romantic man in the whole entire world.
iwillornot: I try.
notanightingale: See you Wednesday. Don’t forget to pick up some rope after work.
iwillornot: Aren’t you going to provide that?
notanightingale: I’m bringing the board game. As Plan B. In case you don’t know how to tie knots.
iwillornot: Oh, baby. You should see the things I can do with knots.
iwillornot: But seriously, Florence, are you going to disable your profile?
So… About That Dating Site Profile – Monday, December 3, 12:01 am
Suffering, Indulged – Monday, December 3
One-Track Mind – Tuesday, December 4
Chrone, Uncensored – Wednesday, December 5
Happy Anniversary – Wednesday, December 5
That Conversation, Avoided – Thursday, December 6
A Text Can Change Everything – Sunday, December 9
One-Track Mind, Continued – Thursday, December 13
Everyone’s At the Mall – Thursday, December 13
Worst Guru Ever – Thursday, December 13
Petty Revenge – Thursday, December 13
Hard Conversation, Evaded – Saturday, December 15
It’s A Small World After All – Sunday, December 16
Healing Massage, Ineffective – Sunday, December 16
But, No – Monday, December 17
Another Anniversary – Tuesday, December 18
Invitation, Refused – Tuesday, December 18
It’s Complicated – Wednesday, December 19
Whatever You Do, Don’t Text Her – Thursday, December 20
Unnoticed – Friday, December 21
The Plot Thickens – Sunday, December 23
It’s About Boundaries – Sunday, December 23
Anyone Else Coming? – Tuesday, December 25
Awkward Encounters – Tuesday, December 25
Frostbite – Tuesday, December 25
No Promises, But Vows, Of a Sort – Tuesday, December 25
Epilogue – Tuesday, January 1
Jane: SAVING CHRISTMAS is the fourth and final episode in the TEXT ME, CUPID story: a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults, featuring a hero and heroine with a painful past, a complicated present, and… well… what’s going to happen in their future?
It is not a pure stand-alone, and I highly recommend you read Messy Christmas, Delayed Valentine and Bittersweet Halloweenfirst, or get Text Me, Cupid: all four scandalous episodes in one fab package (pre-order now; available December 6, 2018).
If you insist on going straight into this episode, I do provide you with a bit of “this is what happened to bring Will and Florence to this place.” But it’s tricky. Pretty much everything in the plot is a spoiler. I go from spoiler to spoiler to spoiler. To spoiler. Frankly, even the chapter titles are spoilers. Really. But it’s so good. You’ll love it.
PREVIEW MESSY CHRISTMAS